I Can't Talk Right Now, I'm an Introvert

So I've been sitting on this lately.

-- Being a full-on introvert while living the glam life of front and center ministry with my family --

Clearly as a classic introvert I process things using words on a computer screen. Not out loud. So pre-warning, this is wordy but worth it.

It hurts my heart to even think about it. Talking to people I don't know, some I do, and let alone doing it while I'm by myself. Oh my gah. Cue the extreme heart palpitations. I know I can't be alone. And if I am just don't tell me.

I'm married to this dynamic people loving hubs who is not only amazing with teenagers but with families, new people, strangers at the grocery store, and speaking in front of hundreds of people without a flinch. Opposites attract is beyond true when it describes us by definition of people skills. Hubs gets energized by great conversations with multiple people and large group gatherings. I lose my will to breathe. I feel like the world is staring at me and waiting for me to say something in large group situations when Im actually spacing out in my mind to the end of my night where I'll be watching Greys  Anatomy in my pajamas... by myself. You can call it social anxiety, I just prefer pajamas and less effort.

It's easy to label myself as introverted, and I'll own it, but to rely on a label and allow that to be an excuse for why I can't engage others that I am not comfortable with is an easy out.

I think we all find a way to use labels as easy outs.

Today we were at our neighborhood playground which was apparently the place to be at 10am this morning. It's usually quiet and very few people are ever there at the same time we are..which to me is AWESOME. Lets be real, it requires less parenting. Today as I pieced together this huge group of mom interactions it appeared to be a mom's playgroup meet-up going down. They stuck by each other (literally, side by side) as they migrated throughout the whole park area and even their kids did the same. My oldest was wanting to enjoy some big-kid play and has no fear of people (thank you hubs) so he had no problem asking if he could join in the tire swing party. Shut down. Y'all. He was totally shut down! Strike 1. My other little was trying to be brave enough to climb up a huge slide in the middle of this playground chaos, and instead of it being his turn the moms told their kids to go in front of him! They literally pretended like we were invisible. Strike 2. While my mama bear was wayyyy over it, this really plays perfectly into how we let our labels give us an easy out. It was easy for them to stick together with their playgroup mommas. It was their identity this morning. It took way too much extra effort to acknowledge that other kids and moms were at the park today. I get it, sometimes smiling at someone you don't know is just plan weird. It becomes natural for us to only do what is comfortable at that very moment. When we get so consumed with who we "belong" with or the idea that we just aren't a "person's person" we naturally begin to shut out other people out around us. Know what? That just tells everyone around you with a big ol' megaphone that they aren't good enough for you in that moment.

So really, what do you do?

Its a fact, Id rather be at home than at a party. I'd rather rent a redbox than go to the movies (that and the fact that I have to sell a kidney just to get snacks). I am completely worn out to my core after a group gathering whether I know the other people or not. It does not energize me, at all. I need alone time, reading time, Starbucks trips, and quiet. I recharge by myself. I love my family of four, and I'd be ok if it was just us all of the time. Well, most of the time. Ok no, but you see what I mean.

There has to be an awareness that if we accept labels for ourselves, whether it's introvert or extrovert or whatever you really want to call it, we can easily live a life thats very safe and shuts everyone else around us out. We can put walls up without really knowing it and they can stay there forever if we don't do a major heart check every now and then. This can apply to both sides of the coin. I've been in situations where I'm the quiet one and that has instantly put me outside of the group because they labeled themselves as a loud and crazy group. I've also been the person at the store or the park who won't talk to you because I really don't have the energy to put into a new person conversation today.

I came from a place in ministry where all eyes were on my family the second we walked through the double doors. Seriously. They'd see my kid's meltdowns while we walked in, they'd notice if I was in a great mood or not, and I mean this in the worst way possible. It was completely mortifying. I was always introduced as J's wife or the youth pastor's wife, and my name was a rarity. I learned how to shut people out quickly. Majority of our relationships were focused on work and what our family could provide for others. I had never been more exhausted in my life. My point in my sob story is that you do have to maintain healthy boundaries. I love the word no. Looove it. Because "no" protects your family, your time, and sets boundaries for your family that are essential. But what about our "yes"? If you think about it, who is someone new that you've recently met because you initiated a conversation? Who is a person that you ended up being able to become a part of their daily life just because you took a small interest in who they were, even if it's not somebody you'd normally interact with?

Our smart phones have really killed that vibe lately haven't they? 

I don't know about you but I've fully relied on the fact that it's just "not in my personality" to approach people I don't know or engage in conversations because it's too much work and I've probably missed out on some major opportunities. I don't really know what you do with all of this, but I do know that it's essential that we become aware of it in our own life and take notice of our missed opportunities.

I'm not saying to go give a public speech if your deathly afraid of crowds. Im simply saying there are times when we are really missing out and maybe its time we stop using our labels as an excuse to live comfortably.