Chapter 1: An Invitation to Imperfect Progress

Chapter 1: An Invitation to Imperfect Progress

My online assignment for today is to read chapter 1, use a highlighter to highlight parts I want to remember, and make notes of our memory verse. Were also asked to participate in the online discussion about a key quote or point I can take away from this chapter. Get ready, Im a quote junkie. I can't stick to just one!!  

Im obsessed with the message version of today's verse! I highlighted the parts that yelled at me!

Hebrews 12:1

 ^1-3 Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

"Emotions aren't bad."

I can't even make it through the first sentence of the chapter without quoting. Love this. As women, aren't we sometimes taught that emotions are negative? We cry too much, we took something too personal, or we read into something that wasn't there. Emotions aren't bad yall! Its how we handle them. 

"I will destroy the relationships I value most and wave into my life permanent threats of short-temperdness, shame, fear, and frustration. Is that what I really want?"

As Lysa writes about her towel tirade, she writes about how she's processing through her lack of self-control in the situation and her emotion explosion. If we refuse to get a handle on our emotions, this quote will ring true through every relationship in our daily interactions. Is this who we want to be known as? I know I don't, but according to the way I chose to handle different situations with my current heart condition Im not so sure I could say Im not doing this. 

"I know what its like to praise God one minute and in the next minute yell and scream at my child -- and then to feel the burden of my descriptive behavior and the shame of my powerlessness to stop it"

Im the guilt queen. More than daily I find myself reacting to situations in a way that I wouldn't have predicted. Im not sure if theres a worse feeling than the burden of not knowing if you can change but you want to more than life itself. What an amazing drive to push forward, recognize that pattern and to follow in "imperfect progress" to change that pattern. Im ready. Here are some more of my highlighted quotes from my copy of the book. They speak for themselves and to really absorb it Ive had to read them over and over again. 

"Sometimes we girls think if we don't make instant progress then real change isn't coming." 

"Imperfect changes are slow steps of progress wrapped in grace....imperfect progress". 

"How hard something is often depends on your vantage point."

"We won't bend from the weight of our past, but we will bow to the One who holes out hope for a better future."

"Our emotions can work for us instead of against us."

Im so excited to move into chapter 2. Ive already read through a few chapters of the book but taking time to process through each chapter individually is going to push me into a more permanent heart change if I take time to pray through this study and absorb all that it has for me. I challenge you to read through this blog in a way that helps your heart grow too. Im airing my dirty laundry through this study so that I can personally grow, not so that you can learn more about the gross parts of my heart. Please don't follow these posts if your desire is to learn more about me as an imperfect person! I want you to be reading through these as encouraged, challenged women who are ready to make a change with me and willing to be just as authentic. 

Thank goodness for grace. 

Unglued

This week Im starting my first online bible study with the book Unglued by Lisa Terkeurst. There are so many reasons why I chose to follow an online bible study, mostly for the amazing flexibility you can have as a mom with young kids and still be able to dive into a study with a community of other women. Im not driving my kids around during nap time, taking the boys to childcare, or going to a specific location to meet these ladies. Its going to take work on my part to set aside this time, to participate in the interactions, and not short-chage myself throughout this process. Im committing to make this a priority in my week and let the dishes and laundry sit so I can dive in and give this 100%. If you know me, you have to know that I thrive on being "busy" so this in itself is a huge heart challenge for me. Leaving the crazy amount of dishes in the sink this morning was no easy feat! I know my heart needs this time, and I can live with a messy kitchen this morning, it's better than a messy heart. 

Being a ministry wife it's tough to be a part of a small group setting where you experience certain expectations from different people, but mostly the ones I put on myself. After just finishing Pricilla Shirers book One In A Million I was challenged to move into unknown territory and surround myself with people who won't watch me too closely, who are diving in with authenticity, and a group that would include people from various denominations and life experiences. It challenged me to step outside of my comfort zone and move into a study with people who I don't personally know face-to-face and who might not know me either. Its not about my church or the specific studies offered there, its about my heart condition and taking time to step back from the weekly bible study small groups and refresh my heart around an online community who won't hold extra weight to my words because were a "ministry family". Lets be real, my family is at church almost on a daily basis. Between errands, going up to say hi to "daddy" and different volunteer roles, its time to make church a place I can't wait to arrive at instead of that "were here again" feeling. Like I said, its my heart condition. 

If your interested in following this study, click on Melissa Taylor's online bible study link and read how you can jump right in! Let me know if your participating! Id love to interact with you through my blog or facebook as we go through this study! 

The infamous chair

This purple chair is in high demand. 

This cozy chair invites you to come in and sit down after a long day of 22 first graders. This purple chair is a place where you can take a two minute get away before starting the second half of your teaching day, or a place where you can sit down for an hour with tears in your eyes and be able to pray through your deepest hurts. 

I love this purple chair. Mostly because it belongs to someone special. Someone who was near the purple chair praying for me, seeing through my tears, and to hand me a chai tea and send me on my way. When it was time for me to go, I can guarantee there was someone else waiting for their turn in the purple chair.

We crave purple chair time. 

I don't live near the purple chair anymore. Really, I haven't sat down in it for the past two years. The best part of the purple chair? It was a place where I could come with no agenda, expectations, or people surrounding me, and I could take a deep breath. I knew I was being prayed over, and loved on. 

Im praying that this blog can be that place for me. A place where the expectations take a back seat and I can take a deep breath. I pray that this is a place where I can process through ministry life, mommy-hood, and my story, in hopes to remind myself that in between my deepest hurts and my greatest joys it is all working together for good. Im so thankful thats a guaranteed promise.