We all have a story. Behind the "hey, how are you" and the "I'm fine" exchange there is a story for each face that is waiting to be shared. Each story is different, you may never hear the same exact one. We all hold onto different joys, different hurts, and can talk for hours about the different twists and turns that life has taken us through. Each story shared could change what friendship really looks like. Each story shared could have the potential to break down the walls that we so easily put up towards others, and reveal what authenticity really looks like. Each story shared could have the potential to shake up this world that we've created and show others that the straining of smiling faces may not really always have it all together. Down to the core of each story there comes a place where each of us might have thought "I can never ever get through this on my own". And thats the beauty of it, because we can't.
We've learned to stop sharing our stories, or to never share them to begin with. We've somehow made it through triumphs and tragedies teaching ourselves that talking about our heart is off limits. It takes too much energy, too much emotion, and risks everything. We risk letting others know what we are really thinking, the situations that we've gone through, and we risk others wanting to come alongside of us for the journey. Lets be real, as Christians we can really put a good legalistic spin on stories. We want to get to know someone "better" and have them share their "testimony". Admit it, you've done it or heard it asked before. A new person joins your small group, you begin to form a closer relationship with someone and the longer you get to know them the closer you are to asking them to share their "testimony" with you. That ruined me. The minute someone asks me to share my testimony at their convenience my stomach physically hurts, and I might want to hurt them too.
The thing is, most people aren't ready to share their story. We've been taught that sharing our story can be damaging, or can be a window into our lives that some people shouldn't have access to. Most of us have had people in our lives who have used circumstances to tear us down rather than build us up. We've also never learned how to share our story. We've all experienced the exact reason why we've learned to stop being transparent, because it leaves the risk of getting hurt. Your story should be protected, but not so much so that your heart hurts more because you aren't sharing it with others. Please don't pursue someone just so that they can share their story with you if they don't want to. You might not be their safe place. We've learned this art of self preservation that sometimes can't be broken, until you yourself are willing to be transparent first. Sometimes waiting for that authenticity to break through takes more time than some are willing to give, and I'm ok with that.
I don't know about you, but as an expert introvert nothing terrifies me more than other people knowing about me and knowing my story. But heres the beautiful thing, my story can change something. Im confident of that. I know my story wasn't the result of a hundred accidents put together, or the result of 27 years of luck. My story is perfectly authored by the one who created me. Who am I to keep quiet? Who am I to hold onto these chapters of my life that have already been written out and convince myself that they are worthless? I have no authority over that. My story was meant for someone else. Isn't that what ministry is? You help the hurting, because you've hurt too. You speak to hearts of others with gentleness, truth, and honesty because someone else did that for you when you needed it. Ministry is loving others. How can we love others if we refuse to let others love us?
I think the process of learning how to share my story has been the most heart wrenching, emotionally draining process I've ever been through and I've barely started. Its taken 9 years for me to come to terms with myself that sharing my story might actually help my heart through the process of writing. Its taken 9 years to realize that talking about my deepest fears that have already come true might reveal to others that I'm human, and my hopes and fears might align with yours too. So, as my hands are shaking while Im typing, I want to write out my story. Uh, want is a strong word. I do not want to write it out, I am compelled to write my story because it is not my own. It is a heart changer, and I pray that while writing my story out word by word twists my heart into ways I may not want it to ever feel again, I pray that my story can pour into the story of someone else's. Thats authentic ministry.
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