Oh, hey. Has it been this long?
The last two posts that I wrote were focused on this amazing book I jumped into titled Unglued, along with the online study I began as a newbie. I don't know how much to say (or not say) about my expectations with completing an online book study. I love, love, looove the book and actually finished it within a week! If you don't know my life, you have to know that finishing anything is an accomplishment. I celebrate each book I finish reading in its entirety because its a major task to complete with my two busy boys. As I started getting in depth with the online book study I realized it was becoming a daily thing, and consuming more time than I was willing to give it. My priorities are very clear, and when other things begin to infringe on my top 3 I usually chose to drop it. So, through the online book study experience..there really are a lot of great things Ive taken with me from the book and can't wait to blog about those later. But until then, I'll need to try this blogging thing again without so many expectations placed on myself.
When I started this blog I wanted to begin blogging almost daily, to record the big and the small. As I went through a week or two of thinking about everything I could be writing about, I was getting frustrated with myself that I wasn't able to keep up with my personal expectations of typing out my heart. For the past month Ive felt convicted about the expectations Ive placed on myself as a wife, mom, and ministry wife, and I'm trying to figure out where they even came from. The hidden expectations. The ones I decided to give myself when I chose to stay at home with my littles, and the ones I give myself daily. The ones I give myself when I walk through the doors of our church, and tried to take on the role of a children's director while jugging two littles in my arms while DH is working. The expectations that were stealing my joy & energy, and feeding that feeling inside that I was never doing enough. Thats the downside of a type-A personality... my personal to-do list was turning into my giant. I say it like it was in the past, its still a struggle. A huge one actually. But as Im going through the things in my life that need to improve so that I can be a healthier version of me, I started noticing all of the things that I spend my time focusing on that take my energy away from myself and my family. Its not an easy lesson to learn. Im a performance driven person and my affirmation comes in the form of knowing Im doing things well and giving 150%. Im learning (surprise!) that as a mom of two little guys who need me to meet their needs now more than ever, that giving 150% to anything else during the day just won't work. That energy that I was trying to use to give that extra "umph" to any task I was taking on was really being taken away from my day. That time I chose to spend worrying about what "will be" or what I could be doing better keeps leaving me with nothing left to give to anyone else, including myself.
So with that, I don't know how often I will blog. I hope I can get to it once a week and if I do less I won't be disappointed. If I do more, I'll just assume that its a week that has some extra time within it that I can use to write and be thankful. Sometimes doing less is doing more. In my case, by doing less I'm already finding out that I can do more. I can give more time, heart, and energy to the people that are most important to me without tearing myself down for those imaginary expectations that aren't being met. I know I can't be alone as a mom in this..so what are some of the expectations you hold for yourself that are actually draining you? Do they align with your top 3 priorities in your life? In what ways have you protected your top 3 priorities and found that by doing less you can really do more?
Until another nap time..
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